And so it begins….

It’s official, I am a blogger. I have so few people to talk to on our “ttc” journey, I guess “normal” fertile people get a tad wierded out with all the talk of basal charts and cervical mucus. *Sigh* Oh to be fertile and ignorant of this pain. *Drifts of into a daydream*

Anyways, I guess I had better snap back to reality.

So I have been reading all these ttc blogs and getting teary-eyed, so I decided to start my own. If I can help anyone on their own ttc journey by telling my story, then so be it! At least then all the heartache won’t have been for nothing, huh?

So to start off, my name is Amber. I am a wife to a wonderful man, who just so happens to be my best friend. We have 12 beautiful little “angels”. Sadly, eleven of them reside in heaven. Yep, I’m the wierd chick that you hear horror stories about at the gyno’s office…. you know…. the “poor lady who had had too many losses to count and should just give up and adopt, yada yada yada”

My one living child is a beautiful little boy named Nathaniel, which literally means “gift from God”. His smile makes all the pain and heartache worth it.

So to give a quick rundown of my “diagnoses” (or lack therof)….

• I have PCOS
• I had a uterine sarcoma (malignant tumor) removed 3 years ago
• I have an incompetent cervix
• I have a pituitary tumor, which totally wacks out my hormones.
• I have a progesterone deficiancy (So I supplement with Prochieve)
• I have excess prolactin (So I take Parlodel)
• I have an “irritable uterus”, I go into premature labor ridiculously easy.
• And the most recent “diagnoses”, is that I have a clotting disorder. So I will begin taking Lovenox as soon as pregnancy is diagnosed.

As for our losses, here is the lowdown. It’s rather depressing typing out all the details, so I will keep it brief. But please don’t interpret this as “not caring”. I don’t think there is anyway to describe the pain my husband and i have experienced.

• 1st loss- Technically not a true “miscarriage”, but the pain is still felt to this day. Dh’s girlfriend had a late term abortion without his knowledge. She informed us years later. Even though this child was conceived with another woman, I still feel the deep pain of his loss and often wonder what it would be like to have a 6 year old running about.
• 2nd loss- 18 weeks, Jamie Elizabeth.  Had a tumor develop in her abdominal cavity which ultimately cause her death.
• 3rd loss- miscarriage at 7wks, undiagnosed reasons
• 4th loss- miscarriage at 9 wks, yet again undiagnosed
• 5th loss- Twin girls at 19wks 5days. They shared the same sack. Cause was determined to be a placental abruption.
• 6th pregnancy- My miracle baby Nathaniel, who is alive and well! Praise God!!!!!!!!!! 
• 7th pregnancy- miscarriage at 6wks, unknown reason
• 8th pregnancy- ectopic pregnancy, both tubes were salvaged
• 9th pregnancy- miscarriage at 5 wks
• 10th pregnancy- miscarriage at 6 wks
• 11th pregnancy- miscarriage at 6 wks, but was not diagnosed until 8 wks. Tried to miscarry naturally as I always have. (Never had needed a d&c before this point) Developed massive infection, and had emergency d&c at what would have been 12 weeks gestation.

As of now, it has been 3 cycles since our last heartbreaking loss. And just for the record, we have attempted adoption. We were supposed to be getting a little girl, she was due in the middle of this month. We had started getting ready for her arrival, only to be heartbroken when her drug addicted parents decided to keep her. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, knowing that this poor baby is doomed to a life of neglect and hardship. Anyways, that’s my experience with the adopion process. Not too pretty, eh?

Once again, we are trying for another child “au naturale”. I am currently on cycle day 17 after my first ever round of Clomid. (Talk about some evil side effects, pain anyone?)

Poor DH and I have bd’ed our little hearts out. This will be our first even time to try the Lovenox, as I was just diagnosed with the clotting disorder. We are cautiously optimistic (considering our history, any optimism is a remarkable feat) Nothing like a new treatment to give hope, though.

So currently, I am 2 dpo, and waiting to see is this Clomid stuff is going to do it’s job.

PLEASE SEND THE BABYDUST!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to be one long 2 week wait!

(Or however long I can hold out on testing, lol!) Thank God for Dollar tree tests!