MERRY CHRISTMAS!

We had our nuchal translucency ultrasound today. I won’t have the bloodwork back till after New Years, but everything looked wonderfully normal on the baby’s ultrasound. Which takes a huge burden off my mind. I guess I’m just terrified because I see so many tragic things working as a NILMDTS photographer. I can handle thing like down syndrome ect…, I just can’t handle the prospect of something being FATALLY wrong with the baby. I would love our baby exactly the same as I do now whether it had problems or not, as long as I GET TO HOLD THIS ONE AND TAKE IT HOME WITH ME!

So I’m incredibly relieved that there are no signs of any such problem.

 

Now pardon me while I rant like a proud mamma…..

OUR BABY IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE!!!!!!

 It has the most darling little profile. Our ultrasound was over 45 minutes long, it was so awesome being able to watch our little one squirm around for so long!

 The ultrasound tech tried so hard to see the baby’s gender. (And yes, it IS possible this early) If you don’t believe it go here: http://www.in-gender.com/CS/forums/95.aspx?PageIndex=178&forumoptions=0:0:10::

 

Anyways, the ultrasound lady said she did NOT see a little wieny (Please never tell my son that I said the words “little wieny”, lol. He would be horrified!)

There is a chance that there is, in fact, a wieny… and that it’s just hiding. Walter and I studied up on gender prediction at this stage, and we got pretty darn good at telling the difference in what the parts look like at this point. Walter had a much better view than I did, and he said he’s 85% sure it’s a girl.

 

GRRRRRR. I’m ready to know NOW lol. I told him I’m glad he’s stepping out on a limb and guessing, because now it will be ALL HIS FAULT if he’s wrong lol!

 

I’m just dying to buy SOMETHING for this baby, and to be able to call it by it’s name. We don’t have much longer until our BIG ultrasound, and we will DEFINETLY know then! It’s only 28 days away, so maybe I can handle the suspense a little longer lol.

 

Nathan went with us today, just as he always has. He was such a good big brother. Forty-five minutes is a long time to hold still, especially at 8 o’clock in the freaking morning. It should be illegal to make a pregnant person’s appointment that early lol!

 

On another note, tomorrow is Christmas Eve!!! I am so excited! Nathan is getting tired of waiting to open his presents lol! He tried to open a little one tonight. He is soooo into the whole Christmas experience….all the lights and the music. His favorite Christmas movie so far is The Little Drummer Boy, he watched it over and over again. I love him so much.

 

I pray that everyone has just as wonderful of a Christmas as I’m having!

12 Weeks Pregnant

Well, I’m officially almost through with the first trimester! YAY! Our baby is now 3 inches long from it’s head to it’s bottom. I had a dr.’s appointment yesterday. Everything is looking wonderful! We got to have another ultrasound because the dr. wanted to check to make sure any bleeding had stopped. Thankfully, everything had healed. I was so relieved! We got to see “Tiny” kicking and squirming away, it was so adorable! It is such a darling little baby, it has the cutest little nose. The dr. was very pleased to see the baby moving around that much, he said it’s a very good sign that our little one is healthy.

 

Tiny at 12 Weeks

I have another ultrasound next week. It’s a nuchal translucency scan. It checks for syndromes and birth defects such as downs. We would never dream of terminating if something showed up wrong, I am just having it because I am one of those people that would rather know now so I could be better prepared should something happen. I am mainly just excited to see our little one again so soon! It will be a MUCH better quality ultrasound than this one was, so we will get a great view!

 

After many agonizing weeks pouring over the internet and driving each other insane, we have officially picked out our names! If it’s a girl, it will be Emily Alexandria Thomas. If it’s a boy, it will be Walter Isaiah Thomas. We had been set on our girls name for a LONG time, but the boy’s name was a little harder to decide on. We were really wanting to carry on the “Walter” part, because that name has been handed down 3 generations to the men in my husbands family. We didn’t want to do the whole “jr” thing though. So we will call him Isaiah.

 

I am sooooo happy that we are so close to knowing what this baby is! We find out Jan. 21^st! I am dying to buy little clothes and get started on the nursery! I’m also really sick of having to say “it” instead of “he” or “she”. Lol

 

I’m finally starting to get a real baby bump! I will take pictures later this week and post them so everyone can see our progress! Another really awesome development is that I was able to discontinue the prochieve gel this week! I am so happy, I was so sick of that nasty junk. But whatever helps this little guy is so worth any amount of discomfort the medicines cause me.

 

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. This is shaping up to be a very Merry Christmas

10 Weeks Pregnant, and Something I Need To Get Off My Chest

It’s hard to believe that I am one-fourth of the way through this pregnancy. It’s such a relief, but it’s also very bittersweet. I am thrilled to have made it this far, and also that it has seemed to fly by so quickly. But I am sad that I will never be able to relish in the joy of being pregnant like other women do.

 

I try so hard to cherish every day of it… after all… each day is another miracle for me. I try so hard to tell myself that I, more than anyone else, should be smiling as each day passes by.

 

Instead of smiling though, I always find myself breathing a huge sigh of relief at the end of every day. Instead of being enraptured in the joy of life growing inside of me, I find myself wishing that I was in a time machine that could magically jump to “viability”, a word that only the mother of an angel can comprehend. You see, then I could breathe a sigh of relief, at least knowing that IF my body was to fail it’s duty to carry to term, that at least my baby would have a chance.

 

It’s so tough, because I LOVE being pregnant. I love the miracle of hearing that heartbeat for the first time, the thrill of the kicks, the impatience leading up to the BIG ultrasound lol. I love being awakened at night by a tiny little human who has decided that the dr. pepper I drank earlier in the night makes a great energy drink.

 

Yet I find myself wishing it all away at times, wishing that I could just fast forward to holding my baby in my arms for the first time. No woman should ever have to know how it feels to be jaded about life’s most precious gift.

 

I am bitter about the babies that I could not bring home. I am bitter that I know that feeling your child’s first  kicks, doesn’t necessarily mean you will get the chance for them to kick you as you change their diaper.

 

Every day I tell myself that I MUST enjoy each day with this baby. I just wish I didn’t also know that each day could be my last. I still hold my breathe each time I listen for it’s heart beat. Each time, a wave of relief sweeps over me when I hear the oh-so familiar sound.

 

I guess I am jealous of the mothers who buy baby clothes at 3 months, thinking they are in the safe zone. I wish I had that innocence again.

 

I am secretly terrified. I haven’t even told my husband, but I truly think this baby may be a girl. I feel exactly the same as I did when I was pregnant with Jaime, Isabella, and Racheal. I lost each of them in the second trimester. It hurts so bad, I have nightmares about it all the time. In a way, I almost wish they would tell me it’s a boy at the ultrasound, just so that fear will dissipate.

 

And it very well may be a boy, everyone says each pregnancy is different. I’m just scared.

 

Scared because I would give anything to know what it would be like to hold one of my daughters… to put bows in her hair… to play tea party with her.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I would be thrilled to have another boy. I think I’m just afraid of the thought of never knowing what having a living daughter feels like.

 

I honestly can’t imagine it. After watching your daughter’s life slip away in your arms, there’s no way to imagine having one stare back into your eyes.

 

Ok, I’ll stop bumming everyone out now. The last thing I would like to say is that I am so thankful that God has given me another child. I am thankful for each day that I get to hear that heartbeat, and I already love him(or her) with all my heart. Please continue to keep our little family in your prayers.